not a comprehensive list, but some of my favorite cynical Christmas/holiday songs

[minttown1]

This first one is dedicated to my fellow lost and/or stuck adults.

Carbon Leaf - "What About Everything" [mp3]
Holiday quiet on these streets, except for some stubborn leaves
That didn't fall with the fall, and now they clatter in vain
Holiday sky, midnight clear
Wind is high, hard to steer
Old muffler rumbles like an old fighter plane
In search of some rest, in search of a break
From a life of tests where something's always at stake
[...]
Before time takes each year, like a knife cuts it clear
It's school, then work and then life that just sharpens the blade
I think about time for fun
I think about time for play
Then I think about being done, with no résumé
With no one left to blame
What about fortune and fame?
What about your love to obtain?
What about the ring?
What about everything?

No, really, though, it's a holiday song. It says so. It's just a holiday song about all the shitty things you feel when another year is ending with no progress made on any front, and everyone else seems to be celebrating their great lives.



Next we have a song for dysfunctional family holidays.

Something Corporate - "Forget December" [mp3]
New Years Eve came, but nothing had changed
All the problems just got worse
We sat in silence
No routine science could heal the sickness we rehearse
And if I'm talking, my words are mocking
the deaf ears they have fallen on
These words are tainted with years of jaded
innocence that's all but gone

"Jaded innocence that's all but gone." Jesus, ouch, how did I not remember that was in there?



I actually have soooooo many Christmas break-up songs, and that was super nice a few years in my life but none more than 2011, whoo. Here's a favorite.

Fall Out Boy - "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" [mp3]
And I'm of good cheer 'cause I've been checking my list
The gifts you're receiving from me will be:
One awkward silence
Two hopes you cry yourself to sleep, staying up, waiting by the phone
And all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breath to me before you bury yourself alive

I could actually do an entire playlist of these angry, spiteful Christmas songs for your ex, if anyone's in need. You just let me know, I've got this shit covered.



Here's a song about an addict planning a seasonal suicide. Don't look at me, I didn't fucking write it.

Aimee Mann - "I Was Thinking I Could Clean Up for Christmas" [mp3]
'Cause I can't live loaded and I can't live sober
And I've been this way since the end of October
And I know enough to know
That, baby, when it's over, it's over
And it's over
'Cause, baby, I'm done



I don't know what Andrew McMahon intended, but to me this song is a really pretty way of saying, "You can't go home again."

Jack's Mannequin - "The Lights and Buzz" [mp3]
I'm coming home from my hardest year
I'm making plans not to make plans while I'm here
And this life has been no holiday, a complicated situation
I'm fine with all my memories
Still I could use vacation

To me, this song will always remind me of being Valerie's passenger for aimless nighttime driving on Christmas break in Altoona during college. It was pretty damn fitting.



And then thanks to the 1990s, we have a song about a Christmastime abortion, how delightful. I'm not even uploading it, it's the world's most depressing song, but just remember that you can listen to Ben Folds Five's song "Brick" if you need a reminder that your Christmas season could always be worse.



Fuck it, let's do some more of the break-up songs.

The Used - "Alone This Holiday" [mp3]
Maybe light a candle
Don't say a prayer for me
Feel alone
Cause I'm gone
I left you
Make Christmas your own
You throw the thought of us away
You'll be alone this holiday

Everclear - "Hating You for Christmas" [mp3]
Thanks for the Christmas card
I don't want to hear about your new job now
I don't want to hear about your new boyfriend
I don't want to hear about it all working out for you
No, I don't want to hear it now
I don't want to hear about your swinging new place
I don't want to hear how everyone thinks it's great
I just want to sit in our apartment and hate you
Yes, I will be hating you for Christmas

Sarah McLachlan - "River" [mp3]
Robert Downey, Jr. - "River" [mp3]
S/he tried hard to help me
You know, s/he put me at ease
And s/he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
I wish I had a river I could skate away on

Comments

[sarken]

I <3 this post.

[brienze.livejournal.com]

I'm late to watching Doctor Who today (had a class on petit fours this morning and now waiting for take and bake pizza to bake before I start watching) but there's also a quite good version of "River" by the Indigo Girls. I can upload it later if you want.

Trite and over-played on the radio, but I've always thought Goo Goo Dolls' "Better Days" is depressing as fuck, too.

[minttown1.livejournal.com]

It might be a sign of how low my bar is set that I consider "Better Days" to be much too hopeful for this list. :P

[brienze.livejournal.com]

I guess I've always pictured the person he's singing to being very indignant that he doesn't want to spend money on presents and that he thinks their relationship is so shitty, and instead of being touched by the sentiment she packs up and leaves. It has a "doomed to fall on deaf ears" quality to it, imho.

[minttown1.livejournal.com]

p.s. Yes, I would like "River" if you get a chance.

[brienze.livejournal.com]

http://www.sendspace.com/file/webf38

is an m4a ... if itunes format doesn't work for you let me know and I'll convert it sometime when I have more brain than currently.

[garnettrees.livejournal.com]

Crazy but true-- as I started typing this up, "What About Everything" came up randomly on my 863 song 'generally awesome' playlist. I think I downloaded it from you, too.

Something Corporate - "Forget December"
This is still my favorite for the cynical side (the only side? ^_~) season, and another one you introduced me to. I have an abundance of love for 'Something Corporate' in general, but I always listen to this one while I decorate my little Christmas tree by my lonesome, safely away from the family drama.

Fall Out Boy - "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out"
Checking this one out, now!

I, too, am I little late on watching Doctor Who, but it's next on my list. <3